• ashley krause

Gone for a Minute, but I'm Back Now | Why I was MIA & my 2020 Comeback

I knew I needed to write this blog post at some point to update you all on the last few months of my life. I've been indirectly influenced to be, but kind of intentionally chosen to be MIA from my photo business since November of last fall. I'm back now and honestly better than ever! I'm sharing this because I want to keep things real with you guys and provide explanation for falling off the wagon there for a minute.

Let's just say that October of 2019 was the most challenging month of my life. It began with the loss of a job at school that provided me with complimentary on-campus housing. Out of nowhere, I had to find somewhere new to live and reconstruct my identity at the college. This caused a lot of social stress and financial burden for me. I also had a death in the family and health scares with my grandmother and my pups. I was constantly sick and struggled to get out of bed. At the end of the month, I was unexpectedly broken up with by the person I truly thought I would spend the rest of my life with.

It kind of goes without saying that this type of loss sent me into a depression. I can truly say it was the lowest point of my life. I lost myself, had no motivation, and even took a break from school. I knew I couldn't give 100% to myself, so I couldn't imagine not giving my all to my photo clients. Because of the depression, I started to lose interest in things I once loved -- photography being one of those things, unfortunately. I knew I wanted to continue with it because in my heart it's my greatest passion, but I needed some time off to care for myself.

I dyed my hair back to its natural brown. I got a tattoo. I did all of the things you'd expect from someone healing from a broken heart. I went down rough roads, experimenting with some unhealthy coping mechanisms, but ended up exactly where I'm supposed to be.

The past few months have been filled with so much growth. I no longer let myself live in the past, so that's enough with the negative talk. I'm strong enough now to look at that period of my life with more objective eyes and a hopeful heart. As much as I lost, I gained so much more.

I was saved by God's grace and His love for me. The hardships of last fall lead me to Jesus. My amazing friend Jenna invited me to Amplify Church with her following the breakup. Words cannot describe how life-changing that finding my faith has been for me. It's healed my heart and provided me with so much comfort and hope. I put all of my faith into God's timing and trust that He removed aspects of my life to replace them with things that are even greater.

Moving off campus and removing that job from my daily life has been so beneficial to my productivity, mental clarity, and confidence. I have made friends that I would not have known if my life had stayed the same. I'm thankful to have lost that job because I've gained an incredible support system and I'm having more fun than I have the entire duration of my college years.

I also trust that God has my soulmate hand-picked and that he is right around the corner. At whatever point we connect, I'll know that all of the past relationships ended for a reason. Already, I'm able to see reasons why the last one wasn't intended for me. Rather than moving forward in fear of another 'failure,' I'm moving forward with faith that I am worthy of romantic love and even if that shall fade, I'm eternally loved by God and that I love myself enough to be single.

I'm so much more in touch with who I am, what I value & prioritize, who I share my heart with, and why I'm here. I have been blessed with four weddings so far this year, admission into the graduate program of my dreams, the opportunity to serve at my church, I'm officially moving to the city in June, and I've formed closer relationships with family, friends, myself, and God. I couldn't imagine a better life. I'm at peace with the past and so excited for my future. Thank you for being a part of my life. Whether you're a client, a supporter, a reader, a close friend, a member of my family -- I appreciate you.



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